Hockey Stick Gift, Gentle Giant, and Thought Provoking Statuses

Make someone laugh, share these…

Thought Provoking Status Updates:

  1. I wish people were smarter… or quieter.
  2. Don’t try to tell me that hungry is not an emotion because I feel that in my soul.
  3. A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
  4. Accidentally wore a red shirt & khaki pants to Target today &, long story short, I think I have been promoted to assistant manager.
  5. Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
  6. I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
  7. On a scale from 1 to 10, I tell people they’re an 11. It’s a fun way to let them know they don’t exist and they take it as a compliment.
  8. McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window.
  9. You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
  10. People who text back “kk” are super annoying and almost racist.
  11. Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman’s hat on it is not the button for a free fireman’s hat.
  12. Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
  13. People should look like their personalities.
  14. There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water. That’s lying about being milk.
  15. My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
  16. If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
  17. If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… Like you ate a pinecone every single day.
  18. For a guy that did not invent pizza, Papa John sure acts like a guy that invented pizza.
  19. Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Gentle Giant…

Beautiful Horse!

Kid Gets Hockey Stick…

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That reaction pretty much sums up everything good about childhood. What an amazing athlete to do that! Share if you feel the same way.

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Best Dog Tricks Ever (Video), Awkward Birthday Cards, and Worthy Status Posts

Make Hump day count, share these…

20 Laugh Worthy Facebook Status Updates:

  1. After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn’t want to eat for the rest of the week anyways.
  2. Remember: Life isn’t about having amazing experiences, it’s about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Facebook.
  3. I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
  4. That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.
  5. Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
  6. It sounds fun, Autocorrect, but I am enjoying beers with Jess, not Jesus.
  7. I like most people as long as they’re not behind a steering wheel or a keyboard.
  8. Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton.
  9. Hashtags make your posts completely invisible to me.
  10. If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace, how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
  11. Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that shit.
  12. Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
  13. Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
  14. Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else
  15. Hey you guys making fun of the people you see in Walmart…you were in Walmart too.
  16. My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
  17. Women don’t go crazy, they are crazy. They just “go normal” from time to time.
  18. I’d be a great cat because I hate everyone but insist everyone loves me.
  19. ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
  20. Girls who say “a lot of guys are after me” should keep in mind that low price always attract many customers

Yesterdays Status Updates…

The Most WELL Trained Dog of All Time…

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Shocking! That dog understands more English than lots of people. You can share if you’d like.

Bonus Reading : 85 Thoughts everyone has at the Airport.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Bashful, SlowMo Parkour Doggie, & Laughable Statuses

Score more likes, share these…

20 Laughable Facebook Statuses:

  1. I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
  2. This is for all my people with no status today..keep your head up…stay strong.
  3. If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
  4. Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
  5. Got my cat fixed today. Now it’s a dog.
  6. Insurance companies remind me of the mafia. They try to intimidate you into buying protection with statements like ” That’s a great family you have!…..It would be a shame if something HAPPENED to them.”
  7. Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
  8. Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
  9. Lucky is the person who has the ability to see their own shortcomings. Miserable is the person who can only see the flaws of others.
  10. Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
  11. The best moves in life are made in silence. Don’t talk about it. Just do it and let them talk about it. Failure talks. Success walks.
  12. I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
  13. I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
  14. Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
  15. You know you’re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of google.
  16. The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
  17. We’re expecting a baby, but we are hoping for a dragon.
  18. If you type “coughing” into Google images, it looks like a bunch of people giving bj’s to an invisible man.
  19. The more periods she writes after “ok…” the less okay things are.
  20. (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) … Because…That’s how I roll…

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Bashful…

Sometimes I feel the same way.

SlowMotion Parkour Doggie…

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That was EPIC! You may share if you’d like.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.

Cat Fishing, People Slinkies, and 20 Witty Status Updates

Make Monday suck less, share these…

20 Witty Status Updates:

  1. That awkward moment when you overhear a joke in someone else’s conversation and accidentally laugh out loud.
  2. People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
  3. Sleeping is nice. You forget about everything for a little while.
  4. I’m tired of things costing money.
  5. Yes, I’d love to hear about the dream you had last night! My favorite stories are the ones that don’t make sense, and also never happened.
  6. Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
  7. If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
  8. Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
  9. A cop stopped me & said “license please” so I offered him a donut & said “I donut have one” & we laughed & laughed & I’m arrested.
  10. When someone spends five minutes reassuring you they won’t get emotionally attached to you: Abort Mission.
  11. I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with “Just in case I crash again”
  12. Turns out if you speak with an English accent during an interview it’s expected that you’ll continue to speak w/accent after you’re hired..
  13. If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
  14. You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
  15. When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.
  16. Some of you people are raising the next generation of human beings. Scary stuff.
  17. Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
  18. I think falling in/being in/falling out of love has been pretty well documented. Why aren’t there more songs about being hungry?
  19. You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That’s a ghost finishing sex with you.
  20. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be…if it doesn’t come back it was never yours to begin with. BUT, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats all of your food, uses your phone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize you set it free…you either married it or gave birth to it!

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Some people….

Couldn’t agree more.

Cat Fishing for a Cat…

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They have their play routine down. Please feel free to share if you’d like.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.