Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…
Holiday Status Updates 2014:
- I really hope 2015 is a better year.
- Meanwhile everyone in North Korea is like “what is a movie”
- You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can’t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
- Just realized in 6 years it’s going to be the 20s again so I propose we bring back swing music and jazz attire please that would be great… thanks!
- It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
- Listening to an album for the first time is weird because you have to give ur full attention to it and you can’t sing along.
- Be soft, kind and loving. But also take nobody’s shit.
- I have a Pinterest board and therefore should not have to tell people what I want for Christmas.
- How much whiskey goes into cookies? I’m new to this whole baking thing.
- Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
- Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
- I like coffee that kicks you in the face in the morning.
- Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
- I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
- I can’t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
- F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
- Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
- Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
- Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
- May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
Girl Eats a Piece of Turkey in 1-second Flat:
What did I just watch and why did I watch it 20 more times? That was insane. Like or share if you agree.