Awkward Moment, Struggle Was Real, and Epic Status Posts

Make today count, share one of these…

Epic Facebook Status Posts:

  1. I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So….see you after breakfast.
  2. If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
  3. There’s no panic like trying to press “End” when you make an accidental call.
  4. I have the ability to get a song stuck in anyone’s head and I don’t wanna wait, for our lives to be over.
  5. My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
  6. The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
  7. Ladies, wonder if he’s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
  8. People say circumcision dosen’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
  9. Stages of beard length:
    1.) sexy stubble
    2.) sea captain beard
    3.) prisoner of war beard
    4.) homeless person beard
    5.) wizard beard
  10. The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I’m 100% sure there’s a murderer in my bathroom.
  11. Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
  12. If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it’s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it’s called “cheating.”
  13. No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
  14. I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
  15. Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
  16. Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don’t want to see.
  17. It scares me that some of you have children.
  18. I’d like to shake the hand of the guy who invented the snooze button… in like 9 minutes.
  19. My wife said, “You always blame everyone else when things go wrong” I said..”And whose fault is that?”
  20. The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow.

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Awkward Moment When You Go To Help And No One Notices…

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Happens to the best of us :) Poor kid / guy!

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Rescue Hound, Video Games, and On Point Status Updates

Make the weekend last longer, share these…

On Point Facebook Status Updates:

  1. We’ve officially reached that annoying time in the year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.
  2. Don’t like my sarcasm? Well, I don’t like your stupid.
  3. I wanted to work out but then I wanted to not work out more.
  4. It’s always a good day when you come across someone that you can unfriend on Facebook.
  5. If I had a dollar for every bad date I’ve been on, I wouldn’t have to date anymore because I’d be independently wealthy.
  6. Nearly finished with your makeup. Mascara wand brushes your cheek. LIFE OVER.
  7. I’m going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i’m correct, they should owe me $950.
  8. It saddens me that today’s youth will never have to endure the character-building pain of waiting for dial-up Internet to connect.
  9. I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there’s about a one in a million chance that they’ll cause any damage.
  10. You can’t turn a lesson into love but if you’re not careful you might turn a love into a lesson.
  11. My shower only has two options: 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.
  12. Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
    Alien 2: Yes, But they named it Dubstep and they dance to it.
  13. Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
  14. I’m getting tired of fat people doing laps around the all-you-can-eat buffet in their little scooters.
  15. The youth of today have it way too easy. Just once I would like to see them have to go through the trouble of blowing into a video game just to make it work.
  16. It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
  17. Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
  18. My Mama is gonna be pissed when she realizes how much drama I have saved for her.
  19. The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
  20. 3 more payments to Whole Foods and that Naked Juice is so mine.

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Rescue Bassett Hound and Lil Kid Dance the Day Away…

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Soooo, cute! Not a care in the world :) Times like these are what life is all about.

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Hipsters, Jury Duty, and Top Facebook Status Updates

Congrats, you made it to the weekend! Share one of these…

Top Facebook Status Updates From This Week:

  1. It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
  2. Try randomly complimenting people, because sometimes that will be the only kind words they will hear that day
  3. Guacamole over everything.
  4. I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
  5. Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
  6. I’d like to see a UPS man fall out of his door-less truck when he takes a corner too fast.
  7. My favorite iOS8 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I’m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
  8. Before you can truly love someone else, first you have to love yourself. Then wash your hands.
  9. It’s a shame my generation was raised on actors and not authors.
  10. Of course the Dalai Lama’s quotes are all uplifting and optimistic… he’s never been married.
  11. So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?
  12. Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face..
  13. I’ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
  14. If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house.
  15. I’ve ruined so many good songs on bad memories.
  16. ALL relationships go through shit. REAL relationships get through shit.
  17. It’s amazing how ugly beauty can be.
  18. How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?
  19. I don’t stumble around when I’m drunk. I fall on the floor and stay there because I have dignity.
  20. Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl’s hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that we’re out of napkins

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How to Avoid Jury Duty…

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Something about this guy just makes this hilarious. Share if you enjoyed!

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Awkward Moment When, iPhone 6, and Amazing Status Updates

Make today count, share one of these…

20 Amazing Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
  2. Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
  3. Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles “how to read a book.”
  4. My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
  5. I don’t think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller-coaster.
  6. HS Teachers: “There’s still a minute left of class, sit down!”
    College Teachers: “We still have 20 mins left but I’m done teaching so bye”
  7. I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
  8. Her: I just feel like I’m not being heard.
    Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe.
    Her: Are you even listening to me?
    Me: Thats crazy!
  9. If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
  10. I get so overwhelmed whenever I get an iTunes gift card… Like what music do I deem worthy enough to legally purchase?
  11. I’m always quiet and shy the first time you meet me but get to know me and you’ll see I’m an energizer bunny on crack.
  12. Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
  13. That awkward moment when you remember something funny, start smiling like an idiot, everyone stares at you wondering why you’re smiling.
  14. No great story started with someone drinking water.
  15. I’d socialize more but it gets in the way of staying at home and doing what I want.
  16. Your child makes me cherish being single.
  17. When I run, my pace is similar to that of Internet Explorer on a 90′s dial-up connection.
  18. I Googled “Who gives a shit?” My name wasn’t in the search results.
  19. Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they’re talking?
  20. I love you most when you let me sleep in.

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Kelly Ripa doesn’t think 5.5 inches is big enough…

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We are talking about the iPhone 6, right? LOL, that was ridiculous!

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.