Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…
20 Wonderful Weekend Status Posts:
- American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
- The gift of gab doesn’t feel like a gift when it’s been given to your spouse.
- Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
- Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they’ve answered the first.
- People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance.
- Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
- I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.
- I just wanna find a nice person to hang out with until I drop dead. Is that too much to ask??
- Never show up to my house without wine.
- If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
- I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
- The awkward moment when you hold the door open for someone then suddenly everybody in the building decides to go out.
- Feeling crazy is a perfectly reasonable reaction to being alive.
- Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am
- Just paid for lunch with dimes and nickels, in case anyone needs a financial advisor.
- How about a restaurant where the minute you walk in you lose cell service and your camera app is disabled we’ll call it “ENJOY YOUR LIVES”
- I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
- If your name exceeds four syllables, I’m gonna just call you “hey”
- I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
- 99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
Worst Joke Ever..
I didn’t think we would ever find it. But, there you have it folks. The worst joke in the world.