Elbow Hurts, Cat Meets Tigers, & 20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses

Get through Tuesday, share one of these…

20 Hilarious Facebook Statuses:

  1. Next time you’re feeling down about something, just think about the kid who got benched so Air Bud could play.
  2. I’m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
  3. Know why girls cross their arms when they’re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who’s in charge around here.
  4. Face: “You’re ugly”
    Body: “You’re fat”
    Brain: “You’re stupid”
    Life: “You suck”
    Food: “Come here babe, you’ll be happy with me”
  5. I got a blank space baby and I’ll write your name (even though I did the whole group project).
  6. Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
  7. My life is kind of like when you’re about to sneeze and then you don’t..
  8. I’m single but it’s serious.
  9. Every pizza has the potential to be a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.
  10. Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know, like Tuesday.
  11. I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
  12. I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
  13. It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
  14. My high school girlfriend got “uses her kids as her facebook profile picture” fat.
  15. Don’t half ass anything. F*ck it up all the way.
  16. There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
  17. Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cupcakes.
  18. Can I take a sick day if I’m just sick of work?
  19. I haven’t had coffee yet, so you don’t exist.
  20. I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

This happens whenever I search for any minor illness.

Posted by Witty Hilarious and Ridiculously Funny Status Updates on Monday, March 30, 2015

Cat Meets Tigers..

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Bub the little cat was able startle the tiger. How funny is that?!? So cute, pls feel free to like/share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Monkey and His Puppies, End Call, & 20 Clever Status Updates

Make Monday better, share one of these..

20 Clever Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
  2. Never give up on your dreams: keep sleeping.
  3. I’m so stressed to the point where I don’t even feel stressed anymore I’m just waiting for everything to collapse in on itself.
  4. You know those guy friends that you’re “like, actually friends with”? Yeah, they all still want to sleep with you.
  5. Life is like a box of chocolates; an emotional chick can destroy one in under 5 minutes.
  6. When I’m quiet:
    1) tired
    2) don’t have anything to talk about
    3) over-thinking
    4) upset
    5) falling apart
    6) all of the above
  7. Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
  8. What if I told you I could literally cut your phone bill in HALF with an exciting new product called scissors.
  9. Don’t put your implications, based on your misinterpretations, of my thoughts, changing what I said, and what I meant, to what you inferred.
  10. Be stronger than your excuses.
  11. Pour some gluten on me.
  12. If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout “player 3 has entered the game!”
  13. If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
  14. I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store.
  15. Nothing is ever on fire. fire is on things.
  16. If really good-looking people are “eye candy” I guess that puts me somewhere around the “eye broccoli” category.
  17. [At job interview]
    Interviewer: Do you have a police record?
    Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette
    *hires me instantly
  18. When a child is told to say sorry like they mean it, we are essentially teaching them to fake sincerity.
  19. In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
  20. “Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

I swear it knows when you’re doing this.

Posted by Witty Hilarious and Ridiculously Funny Status Updates on Saturday, March 28, 2015

Monkey & His New Puppies..

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That was insanely adorable! Who doesn’t love puppies? Except for cats :P Like/share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.

Dog Lays on Horn, Cookie Dough, & Best 20 Weekend Status Updates

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

Best 20 Weekend Status Updates:

  1. I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
  2. Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
  3. “what’s your major in college?”
    “stress”
  4. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because, I myself am still a little sore from the impact.
  5. My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans are all like, “SALAD.”
  6. I love you enough to actually talk to you on the phone.
  7. All the hot people are engaged. Except for me, of course.
  8. I just wanna stay home and cuddle my dog. Is that a crime?
  9. *drinks 1 bottle of water*
    man I am so good at taking care of myself, I mean wow
  10. Thanks for pretending not to see me while I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation.
  11. I love when people give me bites of their food, but I hate giving bites of mine.
  12. Keeping your job is the new raise.
  13. If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
  14. If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it louder.
  15. The fact that spiders can’t fly is one of God’s many gifts.
  16. I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
  17. I’m not fat.
    I’m just so sexy, it overflows.
  18. You never know how strong you are…. until you’re home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles.
  19. I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.
  20. Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Dog Lays On Horn When Human Takes Too Long:

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LOL, really people?!? If my dog did this I would never leave him again because of how awesome he is. Like/Share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. We’ll see you on Monday!

Sassy Kid, Sad Cats, & 20 Clever Status Updates

Make someone smile, share one of these..

20 Clever Status Updates:

  1. If age is just an attitude, I could use an attitude adjustment.
  2. It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
  3. I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
  4. I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don’t want to lose them even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.
  5. perks of being friends with me: I’ll never get sick of u pointing out dogs
    cons of being friends with me: I’ll point out every dog we pass
  6. I don’t have abs. I have flabs.
  7. WHO THE F*CK TOOK MY…..oh here it is.
  8. Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
  9. Me: *gets stressed over life*
    Me: *doesn’t care anymore*
    Me: *gets stressed over the fact that I don’t care anymore*
  10. True love is when ur pet comes to ur room on its own
  11. Me: okay lets start this homework
    *2 hours later*
    Me: okay lets start this homework
  12. My brain has too many tabs open
  13. Looking for a once in a lifetime experience? Go skydiving with no parachute.
  14. That Moment When you realize you might get into credit card debt over the shopping list for your new diet.
  15. If you liked “These Boots Are Made for Walkin” youll enjoy other hits like “This Toaster Toasts Things” and “Whats the Phone Number for 911″
  16. So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart ass.
  17. I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
  18. “whatever, I’m done talking about this”
    *5 minutes later*
    “and you know what else-“
  19. Be careful who you call your friends…I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
  20. How many times do I have to type haha before my phone stops autocorrecting to gaga?

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Little Kid Gets Upset Her Grandma Used the Word “Poop”:

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That’s a quite articulate little girl. She really doesn’t appreciate when someone uses potty mouth.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App.